Categorized | seriously smart

In the I wish I thought of that department . . .

. . . but I’m sure glad I didn’t because, well, because I’d be dead now.

The bacon double cheeseburger between two Krispy Kreme doughnuts, brought to the good folks of West Springfield, MA, by an entrepreneur from Decatur, Georgia:

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SjaNYbPEydw

Now, Shep Smith seems to have a problem with this, but, really, folks, it is a brilliant product as witnessed by the fact that people can’t stop buying these things. I mean, you can’t pass this stand without at least buying one of these Shaggy Specials and taking at least one bite from it. Clocking in at 1,500 calories per serving, this baby is the dumbest idea in the world in terms of personal nutrition but a slam-banger in terms of business.

But our Decatur entrepreneur was not the first in doughnut burger land. The Krispy Kreme doughnut cheeseburger was invented by Paula Deen, the doyenne of no-guilt eating (and by no guilt, we mean guilty-as-hell no-guilt eating), who invented the “Lady’s Brunch Burger”: a quarter pound of Angus beef hamburger, an egg, two strips of bacon, and two Krispy Kreme doughnuts rather than burger buns. Her advice: you can only eat one. As in, only one your entire life.

And just in case your arteries aren’t clogged yet, the original version she served had ice cream on it. But, after an initial trial, she realized the ice cream was the straw that broke the feel-guilty back.

Of course, this reminds me of the famously pointless Bud Light commercial about the taco salad:

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ZvOqYVs2ao

“A culinary creation that baffles the human mind: a twelve thousand calorie salad.”

Here’s the new Shoestring Venture contest: come up with a culinary creation that outdoes even the Krispy Kreme bacon cheeseburger (or the Lady’s Brunch Burger with ice cream, which seems to be a RapidPass ticket to open heart surgery). We will take the best entry and a.) give the winner a free copy of the second edition of our book (due out in January) and b.) get you on national television (guaranteed) for your fifteen minutes of shame-fame.

We’re calling it the Guiltier Than A Krispy Kreme Double Bacon Cheeseburger Contest.

The winning entry has to be:

Even more nutritionally suicidal than a double bacon Krispy Kreme cheeseburger (with ice cream).
Taste good (you’re responsible for the taste test).

We are not responsible for all the years you’ll be taking off your lives.

Remember: I’ve memorized every line from every episode of Scooby-Doo, Where Are You?, so if you think you can take a shortcut by parrotting one of Shaggy’s upchuckable wonders, think again! I have a PhD from Stanford in Shaggy Sandwiches. Extra points for anyone who knows Shaggy’s real name.

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