Categorized | seriously dumb

Actually, I don’t listen to the lyrics . . .

In today’s seriously dumb department, KTLK AM 1150 here in Los Angeles got paid good money to produce and broadcast an infomercial trying to finagle loyal listeners out of their 401K’s to get in on a scheme buying up Orange County probate property for dimes on the dollar and to sell for dollars on the dollar. Called “Dr. Bob’s Earn High Interest Show” (I don’t make these things up, honest), the producers promise 12% annual interest on their “securitized” (or did they say, “suckeritized”?) investments in dead people’s property. “We buy the houses for 20 to 40 percent of their value, that’s how we make a profit.”

Okay, just in case you’re a cynical, scroogish sot who thinks you never get something for nothing — particularly if the nothing costs tens of thousands of dollars and is being pitched in a radio infomercial — the producers in their infinite wisdom have carefully chosen as a bumper for the show (a bumper is the music that plays at the beginning and end of each segment) . . .

The House of the Rising Sun.

You know, the one that says, “There is a house in New Orleans . . . And it’s been the ruin of many a poor boy/For God, I know, I’m one.” Except that the bumper quits right on the word “ruin”: “And it’s been the ru–” Unless you’ve had your brain fried by R.E.M. in the 90’s, we all know, of course, what comes after “ru–“: a song about how a lifetime gambler has lost everything by, well, gambling all his life.

Do you have the feeling that the folks at KTLK were nudge-nudge-wink-wink-nudge-nudging us a bit? And that Dr. Bob let his attention slip at a critical moment? How Bob ever became “Dr.” Bob will be an ever-enduring but unenticing mystery; however, on his next doctorate he shouldn’t skip the class on song lyrics (“Mothers, tell your children/Not to do the things I’ve done . . .”).

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